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Sin Sod – What Should You Pay to Marry Your Thai Girlfriend?

You will find a huge amount of misleading information online regarding Sin Sod, and conflicting experiences can be found plastered all over forums and blogs.

So, when a foreigner wants to marry his Thai girlfriend and the inevitable subject of Sin Sod arises, it is no surprise that he becomes confused over what he should be paying and why he is expected to pay it.

Part of the problem is that Thai women often don’t explain the concept of Sin Sod very well, which isn’t at all surprising, considering that for them it’s a standard tradition and an age-old part of Thai culture.

They just get on with it. It's normal. They've seen it a hundred times at weddings since childhood. And like traditions the world over, some people simply participate and follow along without really understanding the history.

I'm married myself, and I've been to a few Thai weddings in my time. But of course, if we want to know the truth about Sin Sod, the best people to ask are Thai people themselves. So for this post, to make sure my understanding is accurate, I enlisted a couple of Thai friends to help me stay on point.

Before I begin, I am not by any means saying that the information in this post is entirely definitive or one hundred percent historically factual.

However, what I can say is that the information is the experience of myself and two Thai people, both educated and well-versed in their own culture.

sin sod thai dowry

Contents

  1. What Is Sin Sod?
  2. What Sin Sod Isn't
  3. Who Pays?
  4. Who Doesn't Pay?
  5. How Much Should You Pay?
  6. My Girlfriend Is Asking For Too Much
  7. Will You Get Your Money Back?
  8. It Seems So Shallow!
  9. Compromising Your Culture
  10. Summary

What Is Sin Sod?

Sin Sod is paid to the bride's parents. It is a repayment for the investment they have put into raising their daughter, and also for the loss incurred by their daughter not being readily available to support them anymore.

It is also symbolic of the groom's ability to be able to financially take care of the bride.

Sin Sod is a very significant part of the Thai marriage tradition, and something most families take seriously. However, not all families keep the money, and in the modern day it is often returned.

The Three Components of the “Thai Dowry”

To break the meaning down further, there are generally three reasons for the payment of Sin Sod, as follows:

1. Traditionally, the eldest unmarried daughter takes care of her parents until she gets married, and therefore the Sin Sod in some respects replaces that income for the parents. As you might know, it is common for a single Thai woman to send a portion of her salary to her parents each month.

This usually stops once she is married and has her children to care for.

So, as you can imagine, for parents with no pension plan and little savings, the Sin Sod is a much-needed payday.

Richer families, who don't need the money, usually return the money because, quite simply, they don’t need it. For them, Sin Sod is more about showing status.

2. Once a woman has been married, and/or has kids, the structure of Thai society makes it very hard for her to find a man of decent stature. Therefore, the Sin Sod acts as a sort of insurance in the event that the husband leaves and doesn't offer post-separation financial support.

The bottom line is, if a woman finds herself back living with her parents as a single mother, the Sin Sod insures that there will be some money/land in the family to support the family.

Thai society also dictates that the older a Thai woman gets the harder it becomes for her to find a job, let alone a well-paid one. So again, should she find herself alone in the future, at least the family will have some money put by for some inevitably rainy years ahead.

As you can see, marriage is actually somewhat of a risk for a young woman.

3. Where poorer families are concerned, Sin Sod is considered repayment for the money invested in their daughter. Many families sell land, borrow money and generally go without to put their kids through university, or in some cases to simply put food on the table.

The Sin Sod is essentially a repayment for that investment. The amount paid for Sin Sod could be considered relative to the sacrificial cost of bringing up the child – thus the reason it is often referred to as payment for the “mother's milk”.

What Sin Sod Isn't

Some refer to Sin Sod as a dowry, but to be clear, you are not buying a woman or approaching her family to buy her.

The Western-centric viewpoint that Sin Sod equates to the purchasing of a Thai bride is completely incorrect.

To fully understand the tradition, I think it pays (pardon the pun) to put the word “dowry” out of your mind, not least because any suggestion to your future in-laws that you are purchasing their daughter will be very offensive.

Who Pays Sin Sod?

Any man marrying a Thai woman is expected to pay Sin Sod.

The amount is usually agreed between the two families. Where a foreigner's parents aren't present, the duty falls on him to ask the family how much they expect.

Who Doesn’t Pay Sin Sod?

In the modern day, many families don’t expect Sin Sod, and many will tell the boyfriend that they don’t want any money. Indeed, many young Thai women are now rejecting the tradition because of its outdated meaning.

However, it is very rare that money isn’t shown at the wedding, albeit that it might be returned.

It should be noted that to expect the money back, or to ask for it back, is unacceptable. One will be offered it back if that is to be the case.

Also note that you may not be required to pay Sin Sod if the woman you are marrying has been married before. See the section below for more details.

How Much Should You Pay for Sin Sod?

Historically this has (generally) depended on six factors, as listed and discussed below:

  1. Family Name
  2. Education
  3. Prior Marital Status
  4. Dependents
  5. Employment
  6. Age

1. Family Name

If your girlfriend is from a well-to-do family, you could be looking at a fair lump sum. However, in this situation the money will most likely be for show and returned to you after the wedding.

2. Education

If your girlfriend is university educated or beyond, then it is likely that you will be looking at a minimum of around 300,000 Baht. This is a low-moderate amount by modern-day Thai standards.

For example, a friend at my girlfriend’s workplace is soon to marry a Thai lady of a high-school level education and he is paying 200,000 Baht. His salary is approximately 30,000 per month.

3. Prior Marital Status

If your girlfriend has been married before then you should pay less. You might argue – on grounds of tradition – that you shouldn’t be paying at all. However, as a respectful gesture, you should offer something.

Remember that marriage is intended to happen once in Thai culture, and therefore importance is emphasized on marrying for the first time.

Unlike second and third marriages in the west, which may be seen as equally as important and “true love” matches, in Thailand they are not that much of a big deal. Celebrity second and third marriages are the exception to this rule.

4. Dependents

If your girlfriend has kids, tradition dictates that you should pay less.

This stems from the age-old thinking that the woman is tainted in some way, already given to another man, so to speak.

You will become responsible for another man’s seed, and for that you shouldn’t be paying for the privilege.

5. Employment

In terms of a woman's employment, it's hierarchical and usually correlates with education and earnings. For example, you'd pay/show more to marry a banker than a cleaner.

6. Age

Age is a contentious and quite horrible issue when it comes to Sin Sod.

I mean, when ex childhood superstar singer Tata Young, at almost 40 years old married Prame, the son of the FairTex boxing brand owner, she commanded 100 million Baht Sin Sod.

But for a 40-year-old woman from a poor rural family and a few kids in tow, it's unlikely that more than 200,000 Baht would be on offer.

That said, the type of guys such a woman would have access to wouldn't be able to afford more than that anyway.

But who knows, occasionally a rich man does fall for a poorer woman in good old classist Thailand, and to show his wealth he would no doubt slap down a hefty sin sod.

Age comes fairly low down on the list, though, and Sin Sod is generally decided by status, family wealth, family name and accomplishment/education of the female in question.

Want to know what I think you should pay? Leave your circumstances in the comments section and I'll give you my estimate!

My Girlfriend Is Asking For Too Much!

Many foreigners find themselves in this position, and it isn’t necessarily that your girlfriend is trying to con you, more so that she is trying to secure higher face for her family, and in some cases to elevate her family's wealth.

Face is everything in Thai society. To marry a foreigner with a Sin Sod of less than 200,000 Baht would be quite a loss of face – not just for her but also for you!

The fact that she is marrying a foreigner will mean tongues start wagging in the village.

So when you say:

“What! No way! I am not paying to marry you”

Or you announce a payment less than what an average Thai guy earning 10-15k a month would pay, you get branded a “Farang kee-nock” (literally translated as bird shit foreigner, but refers to a poor, lower class foreigner), or “Keniiow” (stingy).

The folks in the village will have a good laugh:

“Why is she marrying a foreigner when he can’t afford to pay anymore than one of us folk”?

Yes, unfortunately most Thais believe, as many westerners do, that Thai women only marry foreigners for financial security, unless of course the Thai woman is richer or as wealthy as the foreigner.

Ask Her Parents

Anyway, don't take your girlfriend’s word for it, because the tradition is that you are supposed to ask the mother and father for the amount they want. It is not for the woman to tell the man what she wants. So arrange to meet with the parents and politely ask them what they expect.

They will probably say one of two things:

1. “Oh no, mai pen rai. We don’t want anything”.

2. “It's up to you”.

The first answer doesn’t mean you say, “Okay, great”, and go and buy a new car instead.

By answering in this way they are exercising their “grengjai”. They are being polite.

What they actually mean is:

“Tell us what you WANT to pay, and you will be able to tell by our body language whether we think it’s okay or not”.

So basically you need to make out you really want to pay. As you can see, this all falls in nicely with the non-confrontational Thai style.

The second answer means, “What do you want to pay… but don’t insult me”!

*It should be noted that some families might genuinely want nothing at all.

Will You Get Your Money Back?

Chances are that you might, actually. Though don't expect it.

Interestingly, there was a poll Pantip, the popular Thai website, that surveyed a number of readers, asking whether their families returned the money.

48 out of 75 families said they returned the Money. Ten families returned only some of the money. And 17 families didn’t return any money.

All This Talk of Money Seems So Shallow!

Yes, and for the most part it is.

Sin Sod is largely about face.

“Look at my daughter, she went to university and married a good man with a good job”.

Or even, “Look at my daughter, she didn’t go to university, but she is so beautiful and hardworking that she married a lovely rich foreign guy”.

As a foreigner, you may feel like you are buying your girlfriend and have become a victim of the old “Thailand ATM” syndrome. And depending on the circumstances, that could be the case.

But if you're in a secure, genuine relationship, you need to forget what the misinformed barstool gossips say and consider your girlfriend and the culture. And yes, that's right, she too needs to consider your wallet.

Like it or not, Sin Sod is a big part of Thai culture, and, as soon as a Thai woman announces marriage, the big question on everyone's lips is, “How much Sin Sod“?

Why?

Because Sin Sod is a reflection of her and her family and you and your family.

A Thai woman lives to make her family proud, to show the other villagers that they are a good family, that they are to be respected, and that they are climbing the social scale.

I Feel I'm Compromising My Western Culture

I hear you.

I come from a culture where the woman’s father is supposed to pay all the wedding costs, though it’s more a 50-50 thing in the modern day.

But think about it like this: Your girlfriend has probably already sacrificed many of her cultural traditions to accommodate you in her life. Living with you and sleeping with you before marriage are two of those sacrifices.

Without you knowing it, she will have been the talk of her village for living with you without being married – this reflects badly on her family.

Don’t forget that you chose her as your girlfriend, and with all due respect, before getting involved with a woman from another culture, you really should understand the culture first.

On an emotional level, you need to consider that just like every Western girl dreams of a white wedding to make her daddy proud, the majority of Thai women grow up dreaming of marrying in their home town and making their parents proud with a respectable Sin Sod, and in turn elevating the family face.

The way I see it is this: An average wedding in the UK costs £20,000. So if you pay £4,000 – £6,000 to marry your Thai girlfriend in a village ceremony that costs no more than £2,000, you still save a whopping £12,000!

That said, in the UK, you get gifts and money from your girlfriend’s family, so that does offset some of the cost.

You also get money in Thailand. Guests put money in a box on their way in. We clocked up about 15,000 Baht if I remember correctly. That was a pleasant surprise.

Truth be told, you aren’t likely to get much in return at any point unless you marry into a wealthy family, but then setting up home here is cheaper, as is taking care of a woman post-marriage.

In Summary

Sin Sod isn't a recent cultural scam made up to dupe foreigners out of their savings; it has been around for donkey's years and is an expected part of every Thai wedding, although not everyone adhere's to the tradition.

Is it outdated? Probably.

Are some Thai brides using the tradition to extort older foreign men and secure a windfall for their family? A few. Where there is money to be made there is always someone seeking to exploit a situation.

In a nutshell, it is important for a foreign national marrying a Thai to understand this tradition, to know its symbolic meaning and what a fair Sin Sod is in a given circumstance.

That doesn't mean you have to agree with it, but whether you like it or not, marriage is about compromise – because it involves two people – so do your best to find some middle ground that makes both you and your partner feel comfortable.

Or, just call the whole thing off!

Feel free to pitch in with your experience. It would be really useful to know what married guys paid, or didn’t pay, and how the process was handled.

I would like to say a big thanks to Marisa and Noynar for contributing their cultural knowledge to help me write this post.

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    • Max Wagner says

      Speaking from experience (more than half my life, I'm nearly 50), do not pay anything. If the woman really loves you she will do without. If not then there's no point in getting married. Personally I would not give up my libertarian ideals for anything. We are free individuals. In saying you are free to pay. I've done it all in Thailand and you will be paying a while lot more in the long run. Start saving and investing. Of it doesn't feel right don't do it. Stuff their culture.
      Reply

      • TheThailandLife says

        I understand the western perspective on this and sin sod doesn't sit very well with me. However, I don't think it is as black and white as you suggest. A Thai woman is emotionally bound to her family in a massive way, and if they want this tradition upheld it would be very difficult for her to accept that you won't oblige on her behalf for the sake of her family, since you are marrying into it. That doesn't mean you need to pay an amount beyond your means. You may also get the money back – as noted in the post a high percentage of families do return it.It's easy to say stuff their culture, but if you are living in another country and marrying a woman in that country then you can't have your cake and eat it. You would be better to avoid dating a Thai and find a western woman living in Thailand, because it's not just sin sod that will pee you off but a whole host of cultural differences later down the line. To be fair, most Thai partners compromise on their culture in many ways when they date, marry and settle down with a foreigner. Marriage is give and take; there is inevitable compromise.
        Reply

        • David says

          I would disagree on the "since you are marrying into it" argument. Yes he is marrying into her culture but she is also marrying into his culture, lets not forget this. If she wants someone to ago along with the Thai culture perhaps she should stick with dating thais. It always sounds as if the guy must always bend and accommodate more than the girl.

          Even if one decides to live in Thailand that doesn't necessitate accepting everything that Thailand throws at you provided you have the freedom of choice without real consequences.

          It is a question of intelligence if you ask me. Anyone who tells you "we must do this because my culture says so" is a person to avoid as far as I am concerned as they are sheeps and won't be accessible and open to rational reasoning in other areas of life too. I would like to see couples engage in a rational, objective, balanced discussion on how to better their relationship without arguments from authority (it is so because my culture says so).
          Reply

          • TheThailandLife says

            Absolutely, and I did note that: Relationships involve compromise, and this is particularly pertinent in cross-cultural relationships. You don't have to accept everything Thailand throws at you. I certainly don't. I've never implied that.But actually, I would say it's the opposite. Generally speaking, the guy doesn't have to bend much at all. In the large majority of relationships I know of the girl has accepted, and is going along with, many aspects of his life that aren't cultural norms for her, despite him living in Thailand and having chosen to adopt Thailand as his home.And sin sod isn't a demand from your GF, it's a requirements of her parents. A Thai daughter will always do what she can to respect and uphold the honour of her parents, even when it is to her detriment. Pretty much every wedding in Thailand has a sin sod, so not having one would be like marrying a Christian and refusing to get involved in a church wedding.I don't like the concept of sin sod as much as the next person; I think it's outdated. But before marrying a Thai, one should endeavour to understand the differences in familial relationships and what the expectations are. And yes, by all means be open about your culture and expectations, too.What you will most likely find is that there are a handful of things you kinda have to conform to - just to avoid causing problems for your GF with her parents - but outside of that your GF will be happy to live a "western style" existence with you.I do know of a Thai woman, married to my friend, who outright told her parents she wanted no part in a sin sod. It's rare, but it does happen.
            Reply

  4. Raymond says

    My girlfriend has been married twice before and has 17 year old son,she is a school teacher 47 years of age.
    Her last husband was from USA and died.she receives pension from USA.
    What would be sin sod if I arry her?
    Reply

    • TheThailandLife says

      Whatever her mother and father agree to, if they are still alive. Going by the book, in the old fashioned sense, one could argue it's not applicable here. But in the modern day things are very different and a Sin Sod is present even at second and third marriages. If you are having a ceremony, why not just have a token Sin Sod to appropriate the tradition. How does your GF feel about it? If she has been married twice then she's probably had Sin Sod twice, and the "mother's milk" payment has certainly been settled!
      Reply

  5. Ian says

    After reading this I see I was taken for a ride big time.

    The lady I married had me pay 1 million Thai Baht sin-sod and now I don't believe the mother ever saw a stang of that money.

    She had multiple previous relationships with a child from the last relationship.

    I paid for a huge wedding in the village plus invested 3 million thb in the property .
    I now also question what I paid for the land as in hindsight I believed 50% or more was skimmed off by my then supposed wife.

    Plus she lived with me for 6 years making no contribution in any shape or form to the household.
    All expenses paid, cars phones, living expenses etc

    I subsequently discovered that she was having multiple affairs behind my back and getting herself into serious issues with the men she was having affairs with. In hindsight nothing short of prostitution.
    There were all sorts of threats being made.
    And the other men were trying to get me involved. I just threatened to call the police to keep them away from my home.
    I think a guilty conscious got the better of her and she decided to leave me earlier this year.

    Tens of thousands of dollars wated in applying for a permanent residency wasted. She left me before the case was completed.

    Now I have a legal battle to sort out the financial investments I made in Thailand.

    Never again.
    Reply

  6. David says

    Sin Sod seems to me having your cake and eating it. When we meet someone and decide to have a relationship with there is always an element of risk for both parties. Some Thai girls seem to want to mitigate some of this risk by asking for a "insurance policy" up front. I find this unjustified.

    If you meet a girl who supports her family financially every month then she can also do that when she lives in your country. Until she gets a job it is perfectly reasonable that you support her (and her family) but that's about it.
    If you break up then tough for you emotionally and tough for her financially. Why is it your responsibility to set up an insurance policy for her family from the get go? If she is a good girl, has a job and gets your nationality even if you break up she will still be able to work for herself and to care for her family. If she doesn't want to do anything and live off you then in that case I find it reasonable that you need cover her expenses including her family's but even in that case why the demand(not request) for a Sin Sod?

    As for the point about a Thai family who may have sacrificed a lot for the upbringing of her daughter, while this would be admirable to me and I would respect them for that, why does their sacrifice need to be necessarily translated into a "debt" for her which then has to be passed on to me?
    It was their decision to create a new human being, perhaps they shouldn't have done it in the first place if they couldn't afford to provide her an acceptable standard of living, than creating a human and then expecting someone else out there to compensate them for the financial "damage" this person done to them for her upbringing. I really don't get this mentality of "we sold our land to educate her so you farang pay up now if you want her".

    This idea of ownership of a girl by the family and the guy needing to pay them seems so outdated and ridiculous to me that I would never consider it as a valid reason for accepting Sin Sod. In fact if your girl demands that you pay up her family I say ditch and switch.

    If I had to think hard I could come up with reasons that would make Sin Sod a much more reasonable request but none of those reasons would apply to what you would hear coming from the girl's family.
    Reply

    • Mark says

      The OP is making some really sensible points against this policy. However, as I always say, Thai cultural traditions are a bit like coronavirus restrictions: please do not look at any consistency or logic within them that justifies their presence/existence.

      And I have devised my own system when it comes to keeping or giving back said sinsod. I may pay in my own right, but...

      In my own view, any family with at least a tiny shred of honour, dignity and human decency will not accept cheap free money as a gift and will be happy to return all immediately after the ceremony (less perhaps the costs of the wedding ceremony itself which it is acceptable that the groom - or effectively the organiser of the event - should carry!) to the newlyweds. Therefore such families will get their face back by appearing themselves to be bigger than some banknotes with numbers on em.

      On the other hand, families who are stingy and do not possess any honour or decency will be happy to keep that and accept it as if nothing ever happened in which case this should give you an idea of the kind of family you're marrying into. In other words, they will prove themselves to be money-centred not love-centred and will thus forfeit any right to your care and assistance at a later point in life when perhaps such assistance will be much more likely to be required.

      So if you do your own part, not all is lost as the real and much more important choice later on lies with the family in question as to how to go about the said funds.
      Reply

  7. Jack says

    Sin sod is just another aspect of casual prostitution in Thai culture. I married someone who says she was not a prostitute. She had a normal job at CIMB. Yet, as soon as we became engaged, she expected me to give her an allowance of $1k USD/month eventhough we were living separately in different countries while the visa paperwork was processed. I think the $1k/month is what she earned in casual prostitution on Sukhumvit bars and beer gardens. After her visa was approved, she asked me for $25k to pay off her debts, including the remaining mortgage on the home for her parents in the country. I did. When we were engaged and when we were married, I gave her money for her family regularly--about $5k USD/year. After we were married, when she wanted to ask for more money than what I had already given, she initiated sex to build up to her request for money. I felt so sorry for her. I was unable to maintain a loving connection because it felt like I had a relationship with a hardened whore. When I was no longer willing to be a fool for her, she left me for a man who was willing to be one. She never looked back. She never again asked me about my family or my health. She said Buddhism taught her to accept the end of our marriage and the end of any relations between us. My advice: don't marry Thais.
    Reply

    • TheThailandLife says

      The dowry system predates the twelfth century and is present in cultures all over the world, from Ancient Greece to Oceania, Africa and Asia and was also present in the UK up until the 1800s. Yet somehow, due to a bad experience with a Thai woman, you've reduced this global practice to "causal prostitution in Thai culture".
      Reply

      • Jack says

        The sex for money equation has become a framework for relationships. My ex-wife was addicted to the exchange. It's how she measured her own worth. It's sad. I gave to her family freely, because I saw them as beloved humans, and I wanted to see them smile. I didn't buy them a house in exchange for sex. My ex-wife knew it. The fact that I gave freely lowered her self esteem. She would rather believed her sexuality is what inspired me to give to her family. She now lives with an animal who extracts sex acts from her when she needs to buy tampons. That's the relationship she wanted. It's the one she's comfortable with. It's her culture.
        Reply

      • Franklin says

        I in no way subscribe to the premise of this comment, but, it is the easiest way to comment. I lost my Thai girlfriend of 2+ years due to Sin Sod. Or rather, a lack of understanding of Sin Sod. In my case, her brother is semi affluent (apparently, life insurance is big business in Thailand) and married before we got engaged. Therefore setting the number at 2+ million baht. Tried as I might, I could not make 60K+ USD make sense. I did cost of wedding, respect of parents, gifts, etc. and the most I could come up with was 20K USD. In the end, I just couldn't get there. I understand the cultural aspect of it, and respect it fully, but, I just cannot understand the math.
        This was the worst break up of my life, mostly because it was solely about money. I'm an engineer, I do OK, but, 60K (plus, nobody mentions the engagement sin sod in ADDITION to the marriage Sin Sod). That cost me USD 2k. Meeting parents with a handful of cash feels weird to westerners. Be prepared for the odd feelings.
        Reply

    • Bela says

      Truth to be told, the problem really is not with the customs. I think one issue here is communication between the parties. The other one is that in Thailand, the woman who grow up thinking, that all they need for success is a western man, who is ritch by default, are growing in numbers due to social media and those silly korean soap operas. Many of them do not know or care to know our culture and they think we are full of money. If only the sin sod was expected, that would be fine, but we are - in many case - expected to support them, so they do not have to work, support their family so they can show off in their social bubble. They are not up front (i partially understand that) so it looks like, they hook you up, make you love and care about them, then, before you know it, you must pay out big chunks of your money, put yourself into debt in many case, if you wish to keep them. Not all thai woman are like this of course, and this behaviour is not part of thai heritage I beleive. Thais who are not like this, are often have bad opinion about them (my wife was traited badly a number of times in various hotels by the staff, because they thought she is just a hooker). On the other hand, there are plenty western man, who are happily willing to be sugar daddies, and willing to buy "love". Their "romance" will be posted on social media and will become example for others. I personally know a handful of thais who have more then one "relationship" of this kind, and runs them paralel. A beautiful thai woman, who knows her "worth", can make herself and her family ritch, with this kind of mindset, and indeed, they are growing in numbers. If you do not pay up, they will move on to someone who will. Therefore it is very important to vet your chosen one, look at their friends and families, familiarise yourself with her culture, make it clear as early as possible what she wants from you and hold your boundaries at any cost. Make it clear, if you want a healthy relationship, who will move where. We can not change the zeitgeist and globalism/capitalism already reached Thailand. They are in transitional phase between old and new. So yes, if you go there without knowlege, you may burn yourself badly. But it is just as much your responsibility as it is theirs. You can find real love in Thailand, and you will be the happiest man on earth, with a lovely, caring wife. Or you can be zeroed out and be left behind without a drop of tear in their eyes, in a pile of debts. The question is only, who you chose, and did you do the work in the beginning. Dating nowdays is dangerous really, anywhere you go. The world is changing. But having the idea that there are countries, that are not touched by feminism, capitalism, and gender studies therefore letting your guards down, is the most dangerous thing you can do.
      Reply

      • mark says

        i agree with you dan in that some women act exactly the same no matter what their nationality is. if all you think is thai women are all the same-- money hungry bitches who are just trying to rip you off,,, don't go to thailand.. try your luck elsewhere. it's called life................mark
        Reply

    • Ian says

      Good advice.
      I have saved a couple of other guys from certain demise.
      I have little or no respect for Thai women now.
      I will never marry again. Tried three times.
      I know when I'm beating my head against a wall.

      When my last wife said she was leaving I gave her till sunset to get the hell out of the house and my sight.
      Now she hangs around like a bad smell.
      Must have a guilty conscience, if that is at all possible.
      Reply

  8. Bela says

    For us, foreigners it is not easy to understand thai culture. For them the face of the family is very important, but that does not mean they are looking at you as a honeypot. It may also be true though, there are different people everywhere, some are bad, some are better, some are good. It is also difficult, because these traditions are different in different parts of the country. Sin sod made sense when it was "invented", and in different european cultures we had similar, or somewhat similar traditions which were mostly left behind as the world changed. It seems nonsense at first, that you must pay their parents for raising their children, but there was no such thing as pension for a long time and the bride supposed to move to the groom's family home to take care of that, including his parents there, leaving her own family behind, her parents still needed to be taken care of. Sin sod works in rural areas where the old traditions are still vivid, and where elders are not working in factories, making actual money, but on fields with crops and with animals. If you wish to marry a girl from a village, you must expect to pay sin sod, and the family will likely keep it if they are in need. Finding a good groom from a good family was/is a success for the parents and this success manifests in the amount of the sin sod. If you marry someone from Bangkok, who were born in Bangkok with parents, who always lived in Bangkok, your Sin Sod will likely be returned. In any case, Sin sod is present in thai culture and thai man know about it, which means, they have their complete life up to the marriage, and their parents support to prepare for it. We do not, we hear first about it, when it is being mentioned. And in that time it may seem as a rip off. But quite frankly, if you wish to have a wife from thailand, can you not be expected to know more, show more interest, research more about her culture the moment you decide, that you may want something from her? I do not aggree with Sin Sod if asked for to keep when the family does not need it. In my opinion, it is outdated, where both parents are workinh for cash, and it may put tremendous cost on one's shoulder, along with all the wedding costs. All this burden, when you are supposed to start a new life with your loved one. But! It is a tradition which is still alive there and still actually needed in some rural areas, and (in most cases) it is not for the purpose of ripping you off. It is expected from thai nationals as much as from anyone. If you wish to get married with a thai woman, according to thai tradition, you negotiate with the parents, and pay as much as they ask if the amount is reasonable. Do not pay more then what is reasonable, but do not pay less either. Understand, that the world there is very mutch different and shiw respect for their culture, and expect respect for your culture only from your chosen one, not from their elders. Or choose someone similar to your own upbringing. If you have chosen someone, who is only out for your money however, it is your own fault, not up to thai culture. You could have cosen a gold digger in your own country if you would have been better off, yet you would not blame your own culture for it.
    Reply

    • TheThailandLife says

      The tradition is generally transferred to whoever raised her. So if her grandmother or an aunt raised her instead of her mother and father then the sin sod would be negotiated with that person considered her parent. If the parents died when she was a self-supporting adult then it doesn't apply.
      Reply

  10. Rob says

    My friend is 54 I am 67 she was sent from her village to work in a Bangkok factory at the age of 11 so her younger sister could be educated, she lived in a girls dormitory. She married had 2 sons then her husband sent her back to Bangkok to work. He then took up with a younger woman and divorced her, leaving her with the children who are now young men in their 30's. She cannot read or write and is devout in her faith. I know she has worked in a massage parlour and suspect she has worked as a lady of negotiable virtue in the past (which doesn't matter at all to me). She still works in a bar (her lack of literacy is not in her favour) and speaks of men not wanting her because she is 'old'. She supports her mother in the traditional sense that you mention. She tells me that most women do not want to work in the sex industry but do so to keep them and their families out of poverty. She lives in one room in a hostel. She speaks of the luxury of having her own home (I presume with her mother) When I first met her she didn't ask for a penny, I was the one who insisted to pay her, knowing a little of bar culture in Pattaya I did not expect her to be out of pocket because of me. I intend to marry her I'm an old fart on a small private UK pension but when I die certain pension benefits will go to her (state pension widows pension is no longer payable to non Nationals) and hopefully help her survive in her old age. I think a Sin Sod is a good way of showing to her family and her village how much I respect and value her for the life she has been forced to lead.
    Reply

    • TheThailandLife says

      Hi Rob,It's an all too familiar story, and reiterates the fact that few women get anywhere near wealthy working in this industry. Some earn good money in their younger years but the cash is often spent frivolously, poorly invested or siphoned off by family members. In many ways a regular job would have brought more happiness. She seems honest about her life and the fact that you're accepting of her having worked as a "lady of the night" means all cards are on the table. If you enjoy each other's company then I hope you find some happiness together. Just be cautious with your money; it's a little Wild West out here.
      Reply

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