You will find a huge amount of misleading information online regarding Sin Sod, and conflicting experiences can be found plastered all over forums and blogs.
So, when a foreigner wants to marry his Thai girlfriend and the inevitable subject of Sin Sod arises, it is no surprise that he becomes confused over what he should be paying and why he is expected to pay it.
Part of the problem is that Thai women often don’t explain the concept of Sin Sod very well, which isn’t at all surprising, considering that for them it’s a standard tradition and an age-old part of Thai culture.
They just get on with it. It's normal. They've seen it a hundred times at weddings since childhood. And like traditions the world over, some people simply participate and follow along without really understanding the history.
I'm married myself, and I've been to a few Thai weddings in my time. But of course, if we want to know the truth about Sin Sod, the best people to ask are Thai people themselves. So for this post, to make sure my understanding is accurate, I enlisted a couple of Thai friends to help me stay on point.
Before I begin, I am not by any means saying that the information in this post is entirely definitive or one hundred percent historically factual.
However, what I can say is that the information is the experience of myself and two Thai people, both educated and well-versed in their own culture.
Contents
What Is Sin Sod?
Sin Sod is paid to the bride's parents. It is a repayment for the investment they have put into raising their daughter, and also for the loss incurred by their daughter not being readily available to support them anymore.
It is also symbolic of the groom's ability to be able to financially take care of the bride.
Sin Sod is a very significant part of the Thai marriage tradition, and something most families take seriously. However, not all families keep the money, and in the modern day it is often returned.
The Three Components of the “Thai Dowry”
To break the meaning down further, there are generally three reasons for the payment of Sin Sod, as follows:
1. Traditionally, the eldest unmarried daughter takes care of her parents until she gets married, and therefore the Sin Sod in some respects replaces that income for the parents. As you might know, it is common for a single Thai woman to send a portion of her salary to her parents each month.
This usually stops once she is married and has her children to care for.
So, as you can imagine, for parents with no pension plan and little savings, the Sin Sod is a much-needed payday.
Richer families, who don't need the money, usually return the money because, quite simply, they don’t need it. For them, Sin Sod is more about showing status.
2. Once a woman has been married, and/or has kids, the structure of Thai society makes it very hard for her to find a man of decent stature. Therefore, the Sin Sod acts as a sort of insurance in the event that the husband leaves and doesn't offer post-separation financial support.
The bottom line is, if a woman finds herself back living with her parents as a single mother, the Sin Sod insures that there will be some money/land in the family to support the family.
Thai society also dictates that the older a Thai woman gets the harder it becomes for her to find a job, let alone a well-paid one. So again, should she find herself alone in the future, at least the family will have some money put by for some inevitably rainy years ahead.
As you can see, marriage is actually somewhat of a risk for a young woman.
3. Where poorer families are concerned, Sin Sod is considered repayment for the money invested in their daughter. Many families sell land, borrow money and generally go without to put their kids through university, or in some cases to simply put food on the table.
The Sin Sod is essentially a repayment for that investment. The amount paid for Sin Sod could be considered relative to the sacrificial cost of bringing up the child – thus the reason it is often referred to as payment for the “mother's milk”.
What Sin Sod Isn't
Some refer to Sin Sod as a dowry, but to be clear, you are not buying a woman or approaching her family to buy her.
The Western-centric viewpoint that Sin Sod equates to the purchasing of a Thai bride is completely incorrect.
To fully understand the tradition, I think it pays (pardon the pun) to put the word “dowry” out of your mind, not least because any suggestion to your future in-laws that you are purchasing their daughter will be very offensive.
Who Pays Sin Sod?
Any man marrying a Thai woman is expected to pay Sin Sod.
The amount is usually agreed between the two families. Where a foreigner's parents aren't present, the duty falls on him to ask the family how much they expect.
Who Doesn’t Pay Sin Sod?
In the modern day, many families don’t expect Sin Sod, and many will tell the boyfriend that they don’t want any money. Indeed, many young Thai women are now rejecting the tradition because of its outdated meaning.
However, it is very rare that money isn’t shown at the wedding, albeit that it might be returned.
It should be noted that to expect the money back, or to ask for it back, is unacceptable. One will be offered it back if that is to be the case.
Also note that you may not be required to pay Sin Sod if the woman you are marrying has been married before. See the section below for more details.
How Much Should You Pay for Sin Sod?
Historically this has (generally) depended on six factors, as listed and discussed below:
- Family Name
- Education
- Prior Marital Status
- Dependents
- Employment
- Age
1. Family Name
If your girlfriend is from a well-to-do family, you could be looking at a fair lump sum. However, in this situation the money will most likely be for show and returned to you after the wedding.
2. Education
If your girlfriend is university educated or beyond, then it is likely that you will be looking at a minimum of around 300,000 Baht. This is a low-moderate amount by modern-day Thai standards.
For example, a friend at my girlfriend’s workplace is soon to marry a Thai lady of a high-school level education and he is paying 200,000 Baht. His salary is approximately 30,000 per month.
3. Prior Marital Status
If your girlfriend has been married before then you should pay less. You might argue – on grounds of tradition – that you shouldn’t be paying at all. However, as a respectful gesture, you should offer something.
Remember that marriage is intended to happen once in Thai culture, and therefore importance is emphasized on marrying for the first time.
Unlike second and third marriages in the west, which may be seen as equally as important and “true love” matches, in Thailand they are not that much of a big deal. Celebrity second and third marriages are the exception to this rule.
4. Dependents
If your girlfriend has kids, tradition dictates that you should pay less.
This stems from the age-old thinking that the woman is tainted in some way, already given to another man, so to speak.
You will become responsible for another man’s seed, and for that you shouldn’t be paying for the privilege.
5. Employment
In terms of a woman's employment, it's hierarchical and usually correlates with education and earnings. For example, you'd pay/show more to marry a banker than a cleaner.
6. Age
Age is a contentious and quite horrible issue when it comes to Sin Sod.
I mean, when ex childhood superstar singer Tata Young, at almost 40 years old married Prame, the son of the FairTex boxing brand owner, she commanded 100 million Baht Sin Sod.
But for a 40-year-old woman from a poor rural family and a few kids in tow, it's unlikely that more than 200,000 Baht would be on offer.
That said, the type of guys such a woman would have access to wouldn't be able to afford more than that anyway.
But who knows, occasionally a rich man does fall for a poorer woman in good old classist Thailand, and to show his wealth he would no doubt slap down a hefty sin sod.
Age comes fairly low down on the list, though, and Sin Sod is generally decided by status, family wealth, family name and accomplishment/education of the female in question.
Want to know what I think you should pay? Leave your circumstances in the comments section and I'll give you my estimate!
My Girlfriend Is Asking For Too Much!
Many foreigners find themselves in this position, and it isn’t necessarily that your girlfriend is trying to con you, more so that she is trying to secure higher face for her family, and in some cases to elevate her family's wealth.
Face is everything in Thai society. To marry a foreigner with a Sin Sod of less than 200,000 Baht would be quite a loss of face – not just for her but also for you!
The fact that she is marrying a foreigner will mean tongues start wagging in the village.
So when you say:
“What! No way! I am not paying to marry you”
Or you announce a payment less than what an average Thai guy earning 10-15k a month would pay, you get branded a “Farang kee-nock” (literally translated as bird shit foreigner, but refers to a poor, lower class foreigner), or “Keniiow” (stingy).
The folks in the village will have a good laugh:
“Why is she marrying a foreigner when he can’t afford to pay anymore than one of us folk”?
Yes, unfortunately most Thais believe, as many westerners do, that Thai women only marry foreigners for financial security, unless of course the Thai woman is richer or as wealthy as the foreigner.
Ask Her Parents
Anyway, don't take your girlfriend’s word for it, because the tradition is that you are supposed to ask the mother and father for the amount they want. It is not for the woman to tell the man what she wants. So arrange to meet with the parents and politely ask them what they expect.
They will probably say one of two things:
1. “Oh no, mai pen rai. We don’t want anything”.
2. “It's up to you”.
The first answer doesn’t mean you say, “Okay, great”, and go and buy a new car instead.
By answering in this way they are exercising their “grengjai”. They are being polite.
What they actually mean is:
“Tell us what you WANT to pay, and you will be able to tell by our body language whether we think it’s okay or not”.
So basically you need to make out you really want to pay. As you can see, this all falls in nicely with the non-confrontational Thai style.
The second answer means, “What do you want to pay… but don’t insult me”!
*It should be noted that some families might genuinely want nothing at all.
Will You Get Your Money Back?
Chances are that you might, actually. Though don't expect it.
Interestingly, there was a poll Pantip, the popular Thai website, that surveyed a number of readers, asking whether their families returned the money.
48 out of 75 families said they returned the Money. Ten families returned only some of the money. And 17 families didn’t return any money.
All This Talk of Money Seems So Shallow!
Yes, and for the most part it is.
Sin Sod is largely about face.
“Look at my daughter, she went to university and married a good man with a good job”.
Or even, “Look at my daughter, she didn’t go to university, but she is so beautiful and hardworking that she married a lovely rich foreign guy”.
As a foreigner, you may feel like you are buying your girlfriend and have become a victim of the old “Thailand ATM” syndrome. And depending on the circumstances, that could be the case.
But if you're in a secure, genuine relationship, you need to forget what the misinformed barstool gossips say and consider your girlfriend and the culture. And yes, that's right, she too needs to consider your wallet.
Like it or not, Sin Sod is a big part of Thai culture, and, as soon as a Thai woman announces marriage, the big question on everyone's lips is, “How much Sin Sod“?
Why?
Because Sin Sod is a reflection of her and her family and you and your family.
A Thai woman lives to make her family proud, to show the other villagers that they are a good family, that they are to be respected, and that they are climbing the social scale.
I Feel I'm Compromising My Western Culture
I hear you.
I come from a culture where the woman’s father is supposed to pay all the wedding costs, though it’s more a 50-50 thing in the modern day.
But think about it like this: Your girlfriend has probably already sacrificed many of her cultural traditions to accommodate you in her life. Living with you and sleeping with you before marriage are two of those sacrifices.
Without you knowing it, she will have been the talk of her village for living with you without being married – this reflects badly on her family.
Don’t forget that you chose her as your girlfriend, and with all due respect, before getting involved with a woman from another culture, you really should understand the culture first.
On an emotional level, you need to consider that just like every Western girl dreams of a white wedding to make her daddy proud, the majority of Thai women grow up dreaming of marrying in their home town and making their parents proud with a respectable Sin Sod, and in turn elevating the family face.
The way I see it is this: An average wedding in the UK costs £20,000. So if you pay £4,000 – £6,000 to marry your Thai girlfriend in a village ceremony that costs no more than £2,000, you still save a whopping £12,000!
That said, in the UK, you get gifts and money from your girlfriend’s family, so that does offset some of the cost.
You also get money in Thailand. Guests put money in a box on their way in. We clocked up about 15,000 Baht if I remember correctly. That was a pleasant surprise.
Truth be told, you aren’t likely to get much in return at any point unless you marry into a wealthy family, but then setting up home here is cheaper, as is taking care of a woman post-marriage.
In Summary
Sin Sod isn't a recent cultural scam made up to dupe foreigners out of their savings; it has been around for donkey's years and is an expected part of every Thai wedding, although not everyone adhere's to the tradition.
Is it outdated? Probably.
Are some Thai brides using the tradition to extort older foreign men and secure a windfall for their family? A few. Where there is money to be made there is always someone seeking to exploit a situation.
In a nutshell, it is important for a foreign national marrying a Thai to understand this tradition, to know its symbolic meaning and what a fair Sin Sod is in a given circumstance.
That doesn't mean you have to agree with it, but whether you like it or not, marriage is about compromise – because it involves two people – so do your best to find some middle ground that makes both you and your partner feel comfortable.
Or, just call the whole thing off!
Feel free to pitch in with your experience. It would be really useful to know what married guys paid, or didn’t pay, and how the process was handled.
I would like to say a big thanks to Marisa and Noynar for contributing their cultural knowledge to help me write this post.
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Last Updated on
Dave says
Nov 10, 2018 at 11:21 am
TheThailandLife says
Nov 12, 2018 at 1:16 am
Franklin Gilbert says
Nov 26, 2018 at 2:56 am
TheThailandLife says
Nov 26, 2018 at 4:28 am
Edgar says
It does however seem like a lot of money considering Thai wages EVEN upper end wages...
Do some more research...
Jan 21, 2019 at 10:30 pm
Adam West says
Nov 12, 2018 at 11:12 am
Wizard says
This is a definitive article about how to follow the Thai custom of Sin Sod. However, it is simultaneously the definitive article on how to potentially (probably) lock yourself into misery.
Dec 24, 2018 at 10:58 am
TheThailandLife says
Dec 24, 2018 at 5:48 pm
Wizard says
I suggest 5 years with a Thai (or any) woman before agreeing to marrying her. It might not be what she likes. But you, as a man, have to also consider what you need.
I was with an upper middle class Thai-Chinese woman for several years. Sin Sod asked was 500,000 max, all of which would be returned. This was almost 15 years ago. But I looked at all of the demands coming from the family, culturally, financially, etc. And I asked myself if I could put up with it long term, since there were no demands from me or my family.
I've been married now for 7 years to a beautiful Thai woman who asks me for nothing. Been in relationship for 12 years. She's not an upper middle class Thai. She earns well and takes care of her parents without asking me ever for help. No Sin Sod was asked of me. Parents treat me as their son in-law.
5 years will tell you enough about the person you're with and the family you are marrying into.
Dec 29, 2018 at 3:45 pm
Edgar says
A year now in Thailand as a writer and filmmaker, here to research this very subject, has me perfectly aligned with your sentiments; tomorrow I go yet again to discuss sin sod with another girls parents!
Jan 21, 2019 at 10:39 pm
Todd says
1st am I wrong?
2nd who do I pay sin sod to?
3rd she is asking for a 1,000.000bat
For her family. This seems to high for a poor family. I want to honor and respect her culture and not look cheap. But I do not have 30g sitting around. So what is fair and should I even pay since her mouther and father have passed... Please help
Oct 25, 2018 at 10:59 am
Onera says
Nov 12, 2018 at 10:05 am
Franklin Gilbert says
Nov 26, 2018 at 2:57 am
del says
Nov 18, 2018 at 4:45 am
TheThailandLife says
Nov 19, 2018 at 8:06 pm
Britt says
That is very unrealistic amount. You are also right about the Brother and Sister should be working. They probably are and may have their own business.
Have you met her Family and spent at least a week or so with them. That is one way to learn more.
You pay that much in Sin Sod and she we be gone very soon after. How old are you? You said she is 37 in your statement. Believe me she is old enough to understand how to "set you up". Not meaning any disrespect at all.
I know because of the growing Expat influence in Thailand that not all the "Ladies" and their families are going by tradition.
They have learned how the rest of the world works.
300,000 baht would be more than enough for her age and just to "smooth of things" with the "Brother and Sister". But you really are not required to pay them anything.
I would tell her you will make a account for her with the 300,000 baht in a bank and she can have after 10 years faithfully being married to you. A kind of "pre-nup".
I will let the Author respond.
I REALLY think you should listen to them.
I am 54 and my Ladies are 26 and 29. We are extremely happy together. Their Families are great. I have not been asked by them for a dime. But I do help them when I have seen the need.
I can tell every day by ALL of their actions that they all love me and are happy I am with my Lady. Both Families know about the other.
That has never been a problem or issue.
Nov 19, 2018 at 2:55 am
TheThailandLife says
Nov 19, 2018 at 7:57 pm
Michal says
Oct 18, 2018 at 3:50 pm
TheThailandLife says
Oct 18, 2018 at 5:41 pm
Michal says
Oct 19, 2018 at 7:02 pm
TheThailandLife says
Oct 19, 2018 at 9:09 pm
Max says
Dec 05, 2018 at 12:56 am
Jojo says
Foreigners alway seem to be screwing us.
Oct 21, 2018 at 3:42 pm
Rikki Allen says
I met a Thai lady online. She was 42 years old, previously married and divorced, with two children by different men. As a western are, of course, none of that mattered to me. We agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. After ascertaining that I knew nothing about Sin sod, She advised me that I would need to pay her, not her parents, 2 million baht that was hers to keep. I sold my house in the USA, and bought a house in Thailand for me to live in when I retired. Of course, I hoped to live with her and her son.
While we never actually married or lived togather, after we broke up she claimed that the house was actually hers, even though I paid for it, simply because the title document had to be put in her name, since a foreigner cannot own property in Thailand. Call me stupid, but I trusted her when she told me that if we ever broke up we would sell the house and I will get all my money back.
In a legal proceeding I brought against her in court, she lied and told the court that her father had bought the house for her, and I had not contributed a single baht towards it. She had members of her family testify under oath that the family had given the father cash, with no paper records, so that he could buy a huge house with many western features for his daughter who already had a house of her own.
Fortunately, the court saw through the ruse and ordered her and her family to vacate the house and return it to me as the true owner. But the point of the story remains: it is not always foreigners screwing Thais; it happens just as often, if not more so, the other way around. In this case, an entire family of Thai people conspired to lie under oath to deprive me of what was rightfully mine. I am simply grateful that I know honest Thai people and therefore do not cast aspersions on the culture as a whole. Perhaps you will learn something from this, Jojo.
Nov 07, 2018 at 4:17 pm
Jamie says
Nov 10, 2018 at 4:51 pm
Britt says
That is why everyone here is very untrusting in the "tradition". But as I said people have now learned how the rest of the world works and have become as untrusting as the rest.
Not all. As I said my relationship is great and the families and I are very close, loving, and helping each other.
Nov 19, 2018 at 3:05 am
Max says
Not to be rude. IF you have been asked this amount as sinsod/sot, would seriously suggest you re-consider what kind of relationship you are getting involved in and what it will be like in future and comparison as to what his/her friend has received during their wedding is not a good indication and starting point. I would seriously consider any relationship whether virgin or not , I will not pay sinsod as it is not my culture, i dont mind taking care of the wedding celebrations and expenses as well as gifts for her family. but that is the limit. Poland.
Dec 05, 2018 at 12:25 am
Izzy says
I am an ordinary Thai girl who grow up with multi cultures. To be fair I think to love someone enough and desire to be with the person you love you should always understand the nature of culture and respect where they come from and what they’re made of otherwise just get what you can afford. Wealthy people don’t have a problem spending money on their love ones the only people have problem “paying” is the poor ones no? Choosing your partner is also represents who you are don’t forget that.
Oct 16, 2018 at 11:40 pm
Derick says
Oct 20, 2018 at 4:52 pm
Wizard says
If the Thai man is more than willing to pay Sin Sod since it is his culture and the Thai woman can't land a Thai man, thus seeking out foreigners, maybe she is unwanted goods to the Thai man?
Another FYI. Wealthy people get divorced too. The difference is they can take the financial hit of divorce better than someone who is not as wealthy. But again, if you came from a wealthy Thai family you probably would not be spending your time on a blog post aimed at educating foreigners. You'd be getting all kinds of offers from wealthy Thai suitors. Perhaps you don't get enough offers from wealthy Thai men?
Let's talk about Thai culture not in segments, but in its entirety, please. The fact is many Thai women who are with western men AND who are not in need of money don't care about Sin Sod. I know a lot of them. But most of the women coming into contact with foreigners are either from poorer families whose primary and often sole aim is to score a foreigner because no 'wealthy' Thai man is interested, or she's a plain gold digger and not ideal wife material from a Western perspective. I am going to take a wild guess that a good number of men commenting here are enquiring about the latter type of woman. She's not worth the trouble she and her family will cause in the name of culture and conditional love. It is better that the Western man dump her and let her find someone else. My opinion, best for everyone.
Now, I am not going to defend some of the men who go on about their Thai girlfriends demanding outrageous amounts for their undying love. To those men, you are too poor to marry her, and be thankful you are. It's a message to you get wealthy and learn where to invest your money. Let her go, make money, when you have achieved that, the women will come lining up to know you. Read between the lines.
Dec 24, 2018 at 11:59 am
TheThailandLife says
Not true. I only know of one woman who told her parents she didn't want a Sin Sod. Every Thai-Thai marriage I have known (20+), all middle class, have had a Sin Sod. It's a tradition. You don't need to like it, but you can't lie it away.
But most of the women coming into contact with foreigners are either from poorer families whose primary and often sole aim is to score a foreigner because no ‘wealthy’ Thai man is interested
Yes, Because Thailand is a classist society. It is structured in such a way. Money marries money, period. Does this make a woman from a poorer family a lesser human being? Does this mean that all those rich girls from wealthy families have happy marriages with their rich Thai husbands? Certainly not. Infidelity is prevalent in all sectors of society, as is domestic violence, alcoholism, etc. And we all know that the Mia Noi tradition is still very much alive and well in the upper echelons of society.
Just because a rich man won't marry a relatively poor woman doesn't make her undesirable or a lesser person.
Of course one has to be careful. Where people are living hand to mouth and seeking a way out of poverty, they will seek any opportunity they can. Some become resentful and bitter and won't think twice about scamming someone who is richer than them, be it a business scan or a marriage scam – but this is not exclusive to Thailand.
But you choose to focus solely on this one area. Don't forget that many of the Thai women who marry a foreign national were previously married to a Thai. Many of these women would certainly never want to go through that experience again – because of the drinking, gambling, infidelity and the inability to "man up" and take care of one's family properly. So who can blame them for wanting to marry a foreign national, who they perceive as having better family values and having greater ability to take care of their family? We all want better for ourselves and our families. And the reality is that the majority of Thai-foreign marriages work out very well.
But as is always the case when a white western man marries a Thai woman, a Filipino woman, a Cambodian woman, a Kenyan woman, an Indian woman, whoever, some people are naturally compelled to cast aspersion and judgement and want to make the case that the white man is getting a bad deal because this woman is somehow tainted goods or unwanted by her native man. But hidden behind this rhetoric is clearly the opinion of the narrator, which is that he himself views the foreign woman as a lesser person, and therefore feels that she is undeserving of the financial support or emotional commitment of her white partner. In their opinion it should all be one-sided: the foreign woman should bow down to all the traditions and expectations of her partner because he has the money, the intelligence, the power, right?
There are people with bad intentions the world over. And I hope this post helps those men who do come across a bad apple avoid the situation and move on to better pastures.
Dec 24, 2018 at 6:19 pm
Wizard says
So, why should not the foreigner view this transaction in the same way? If she is not at your socio-economic level, think twice about marrying her. Her socio-economic status should be more important than her qualities as a woman in a relationship, because she is looking at you that way too.
I do want to correct you. I know a ton of Thais from upper echelons who have not so nice words to refer to the lower rungs of their social order. Many foreigners are unfortunately only projecting what is already a reality of the Thai society.
Dec 29, 2018 at 4:00 pm
TheThailandLife says
Dec 31, 2018 at 12:46 am
Sb says
To that amount. Monthly income is 2,400 with 1,300 of it as bills. After all this planning I am worried I have to tell her I am cancelling the wedding in Thailand. Does her family not know that would bankrupt us right out of the gate? I don’t know how to move forward now. She has no kids or previous marriage, family is not poor, she has a Thai environmental engineering degree and is 33 years old.
I’m at a loss on how to approach this!!
Oct 10, 2018 at 9:51 am
TheThailandLife says
Oct 10, 2018 at 5:11 pm
William Baker says
Sep 17, 2018 at 3:16 am
TheThailandLife says
Sep 17, 2018 at 4:30 pm
Adam West says
I married my Thai wife away from her village. She knew I wasn't wealthy as I was 21 and in the next at the time. We just registered or marriage without a ceremony. It was a case of real love and not a marriage based on Funchal security.
My advice is to not pay sin sod, or worst case scenario just a very small amount. If the last in question has a problem then she dies not love you... As is most often the case.
I know a lot of people won't like my view but that is the way it is. I value rational thought more than most things and don't care too much for cultural sensitivities..
Aug 28, 2018 at 8:58 pm
Jim says
Sep 14, 2018 at 1:38 pm
Warren says
Her mum asked for 1 million baht which I agreed to however she also requested that my girlfriend still live with her mum and dad and that I move to Thailand to live with her parents aswel, meaning I have to leave my mum, my family/friends, my well-paid job and settle into a different life. Don't forget to mention that I have to start studying with the Thai language and TEFL courses to get work. (I am currently an IT consultant).
Soooo...shouldn't I be entitled to sinsod aswel? Or is this just a thing that only women are entitled to because people seem to forget that men also financially support and look after their parents just as well as women? I mean why should I pay sinsod when she will still be living with her parents and looking after them even after marriage?
I will respect other's culture but respect has to come both ways. I have no issues with the money but it is the lack of mutual respect has made it a red flag. There are benefits but also flaws in sinsod, a financial security for a woman's family but not for the man's? This makes it a dowry in my books and it's also a good reason why it's just a tradition and not a law.
Aug 13, 2018 at 12:16 am
TheThailandLife says
Aug 13, 2018 at 3:28 pm
Pine says
From my point of view, there are many flaws in the author's steadfastness in continuing to state what Sin Sod traditionally means.
My point is that the Thai people have one tradition for Thai marriages and another more modern tradition for Thai and Farang marriages.
Once a Farang is involved the entire context of Sin Sod changes.
Do not think for one minute that the Thai family will return any of the Sin Sod to the Farang! They will start to spend the Sin Sod the day after the ceremony. Kiss your money goodby. And every time you go with your pretty young wife to her parent's home take not of the beautiful smiles on their faces they shine your way. The smile that says, "got you, SUCKER!"
You will never have any respect from the Thai family, whether you pay Sin Sod or not! There is nothing a Farang can do to earn respect of a Thai family. They will always look at you and treat you as an outsider.
My advice, not that you will take it, is to NEVER pay Sin Sod. Treat your wife the best you can, share great life experiences and your time with her and enjoy your time together. If she loves you she will stay with you, if she doesn't then she will go and snare someone else.
If you are having problems with your girlfriend or wife over payment of Sin Sod and she is demanding you pay. Then that really makes it clear and simple of what you should do. Do not pay. Let her go if she so wants to!
There are so many young and middle-aged Thai women that would be proud to be your wife without you paying Sin Sod! Most good (defined as not a bar girl) Thai women want a serious relationship that is secure and want their man to take care of them. Just ask a Thai woman what is most important to them? Heck go on youtube and watch the hundreds of videos where they interview Thai women and ask what they want most from a boyfriend/husband. The first thing out of their mouths is, "I want a man to take care of me!"
Oh, and by the way, never move your Thai girlfriend/wife to your country. The culture shock for them will destroy your relationship. They grew up with their family being the center point of their life, and if you take them away from that, she will come to hate you and your country. You should move to Thailand and live with her there. You can rent a house in a non-tourist city in a nice neighborhood for under $400 US a month. Never, and I stress NEVER buy or build a house for you and your wife. The land will need to be is her name and if you ever call it quits, then she will get the land and the house!
Rent a condo or a house if always the way to go in Thailand for a foreigner.
If you have relationship problems you can move with no loss of investment, or if her family is becoming a problem, then you can move to another province and rent there.
Cheers
Nov 30, 2018 at 11:53 am
TheThailandLife says
Nov 30, 2018 at 6:07 pm
del says
Nov 18, 2018 at 5:09 am
C says
I've got a feeling some people are not gonna be happy but they can send a bill to her ex to make up for their loss. They live to impose their culture while totally disregarding ours and at the same time ignoring everything that has been paid to date. Frustrating to say the least. Ok, rant over.
Aug 10, 2018 at 8:34 pm
TheThailandLife says
Aug 10, 2018 at 9:27 pm
dan says
Aug 25, 2018 at 8:29 am
RM says
Great blog with lot's of useful information.
Here's my story. I've been dating my Thai girlfriend for 19 months. She's 26, an only child, and is studying in her second year for her Masters. Economically her situation and family is so so. I've been helping to support her for about a year now by sending her 13000 Thai Baht every month. I've also helped with her school payments. We plan on getting married in September.
The problem is her mother, unfortunately her mom seems to dislike men and Falangs in general. My girlfriend has only had 1 previous boyfriend (Thai) that lasted for 6 months until her mom ended it when she was 22. I get the feeling that her mom doesn't want her to be with anyone so she can have her all to herself for her entire life. She has done her best to try to break us up over the past 19 months but my girlfriend has told me she really loves me and will not let that happen. I've had no relationship with the mother since last December when she (mom) physically attacked me for kissing her daughter on the shoulder in front of her. I really want nothing to do with her mom and have told my girlfriend that I cannot ever live with her mother when we marry, she has told me she accepts that.
My girlfriend wants me to talk to her mom to ask her for permission to marry and sin sod. Her mom once asked me to give her 650,000 Thai Baht to 'prove that I loved her daughter' (she really wanted the money to pay off a debt) I told her mom no, but that I would pay that in Sin sod when I married her daughter, to which her mom replied ... "then it will cost you a million" I had told my girlfriend that I should be able to come up with the 600,000 Thai Baht coming into 2018. Unfortunately, 2018 has not been a good year for me financially and now I think I may only be able to come up with 200,000 to 300,00 Thai Baht for sin sod. My girlfriend has told me that even if I can't come up with anything and even if her moms tells me no, I cannot marry her or asks for too much sin sod she will still marry me this year. (I can marry without her moms permission, right?)
I have no clue about the formalities or even starting a conversation with her mom let alone discussing sin sod. I also don't think it will go well and her mom will either demand too much, or tell me to take a hike. Am I supposed to discuss Sin Sod or ask permission for marriage (her mom knows we want to marry) or both? Any advice on formalities and or ideas on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Jul 13, 2018 at 1:53 am
Robert says
Sep 26, 2018 at 10:42 am
TheThailandLife says
Sep 26, 2018 at 4:28 pm