You will find a huge amount of misleading information online regarding Sin Sod, and conflicting experiences can be found plastered all over forums and blogs.
So, when a foreigner wants to marry his Thai girlfriend and the inevitable subject of Sin Sod arises, it is no surprise that he becomes confused over what he should be paying and why he is expected to pay it.
Part of the problem is that Thai women often don’t explain the concept of Sin Sod very well, which isn’t at all surprising, considering that for them it’s a standard tradition and an age-old part of Thai culture.
They just get on with it. It's normal. They've seen it a hundred times at weddings since childhood. And like traditions the world over, some people simply participate and follow along without really understanding the history.
I'm married myself, and I've been to a few Thai weddings in my time. But of course, if we want to know the truth about Sin Sod, the best people to ask are Thai people themselves. So for this post, to make sure my understanding is accurate, I enlisted a couple of Thai friends to help me stay on point.
Before I begin, I am not by any means saying that the information in this post is entirely definitive or one hundred percent historically factual.
However, what I can say is that the information is the experience of myself and two Thai people, both educated and well-versed in their own culture.
Contents
What Is Sin Sod?
Sin Sod is paid to the bride's parents. It is a repayment for the investment they have put into raising their daughter, and also for the loss incurred by their daughter not being readily available to support them anymore.
It is also symbolic of the groom's ability to be able to financially take care of the bride.
Sin Sod is a very significant part of the Thai marriage tradition, and something most families take seriously. However, not all families keep the money, and in the modern day it is often returned.
The Three Components of the “Thai Dowry”
To break the meaning down further, there are generally three reasons for the payment of Sin Sod, as follows:
1. Traditionally, the eldest unmarried daughter takes care of her parents until she gets married, and therefore the Sin Sod in some respects replaces that income for the parents. As you might know, it is common for a single Thai woman to send a portion of her salary to her parents each month.
This usually stops once she is married and has her children to care for.
So, as you can imagine, for parents with no pension plan and little savings, the Sin Sod is a much-needed payday.
Richer families, who don't need the money, usually return the money because, quite simply, they don’t need it. For them, Sin Sod is more about showing status.
2. Once a woman has been married, and/or has kids, the structure of Thai society makes it very hard for her to find a man of decent stature. Therefore, the Sin Sod acts as a sort of insurance in the event that the husband leaves and doesn't offer post-separation financial support.
The bottom line is, if a woman finds herself back living with her parents as a single mother, the Sin Sod insures that there will be some money/land in the family to support the family.
Thai society also dictates that the older a Thai woman gets the harder it becomes for her to find a job, let alone a well-paid one. So again, should she find herself alone in the future, at least the family will have some money put by for some inevitably rainy years ahead.
As you can see, marriage is actually somewhat of a risk for a young woman.
3. Where poorer families are concerned, Sin Sod is considered repayment for the money invested in their daughter. Many families sell land, borrow money and generally go without to put their kids through university, or in some cases to simply put food on the table.
The Sin Sod is essentially a repayment for that investment. The amount paid for Sin Sod could be considered relative to the sacrificial cost of bringing up the child – thus the reason it is often referred to as payment for the “mother's milk”.
What Sin Sod Isn't
Some refer to Sin Sod as a dowry, but to be clear, you are not buying a woman or approaching her family to buy her.
The Western-centric viewpoint that Sin Sod equates to the purchasing of a Thai bride is completely incorrect.
To fully understand the tradition, I think it pays (pardon the pun) to put the word “dowry” out of your mind, not least because any suggestion to your future in-laws that you are purchasing their daughter will be very offensive.
Who Pays Sin Sod?
Any man marrying a Thai woman is expected to pay Sin Sod.
The amount is usually agreed between the two families. Where a foreigner's parents aren't present, the duty falls on him to ask the family how much they expect.
Who Doesn’t Pay Sin Sod?
In the modern day, many families don’t expect Sin Sod, and many will tell the boyfriend that they don’t want any money. Indeed, many young Thai women are now rejecting the tradition because of its outdated meaning.
However, it is very rare that money isn’t shown at the wedding, albeit that it might be returned.
It should be noted that to expect the money back, or to ask for it back, is unacceptable. One will be offered it back if that is to be the case.
Also note that you may not be required to pay Sin Sod if the woman you are marrying has been married before. See the section below for more details.
How Much Should You Pay for Sin Sod?
Historically this has (generally) depended on six factors, as listed and discussed below:
- Family Name
- Education
- Prior Marital Status
- Dependents
- Employment
- Age
1. Family Name
If your girlfriend is from a well-to-do family, you could be looking at a fair lump sum. However, in this situation the money will most likely be for show and returned to you after the wedding.
2. Education
If your girlfriend is university educated or beyond, then it is likely that you will be looking at a minimum of around 300,000 Baht. This is a low-moderate amount by modern-day Thai standards.
For example, a friend at my girlfriend’s workplace is soon to marry a Thai lady of a high-school level education and he is paying 200,000 Baht. His salary is approximately 30,000 per month.
3. Prior Marital Status
If your girlfriend has been married before then you should pay less. You might argue – on grounds of tradition – that you shouldn’t be paying at all. However, as a respectful gesture, you should offer something.
Remember that marriage is intended to happen once in Thai culture, and therefore importance is emphasized on marrying for the first time.
Unlike second and third marriages in the west, which may be seen as equally as important and “true love” matches, in Thailand they are not that much of a big deal. Celebrity second and third marriages are the exception to this rule.
4. Dependents
If your girlfriend has kids, tradition dictates that you should pay less.
This stems from the age-old thinking that the woman is tainted in some way, already given to another man, so to speak.
You will become responsible for another man’s seed, and for that you shouldn’t be paying for the privilege.
5. Employment
In terms of a woman's employment, it's hierarchical and usually correlates with education and earnings. For example, you'd pay/show more to marry a banker than a cleaner.
6. Age
Age is a contentious and quite horrible issue when it comes to Sin Sod.
I mean, when ex childhood superstar singer Tata Young, at almost 40 years old married Prame, the son of the FairTex boxing brand owner, she commanded 100 million Baht Sin Sod.
But for a 40-year-old woman from a poor rural family and a few kids in tow, it's unlikely that more than 200,000 Baht would be on offer.
That said, the type of guys such a woman would have access to wouldn't be able to afford more than that anyway.
But who knows, occasionally a rich man does fall for a poorer woman in good old classist Thailand, and to show his wealth he would no doubt slap down a hefty sin sod.
Age comes fairly low down on the list, though, and Sin Sod is generally decided by status, family wealth, family name and accomplishment/education of the female in question.
Want to know what I think you should pay? Leave your circumstances in the comments section and I'll give you my estimate!
My Girlfriend Is Asking For Too Much!
Many foreigners find themselves in this position, and it isn’t necessarily that your girlfriend is trying to con you, more so that she is trying to secure higher face for her family, and in some cases to elevate her family's wealth.
Face is everything in Thai society. To marry a foreigner with a Sin Sod of less than 200,000 Baht would be quite a loss of face – not just for her but also for you!
The fact that she is marrying a foreigner will mean tongues start wagging in the village.
So when you say:
“What! No way! I am not paying to marry you”
Or you announce a payment less than what an average Thai guy earning 10-15k a month would pay, you get branded a “Farang kee-nock” (literally translated as bird shit foreigner, but refers to a poor, lower class foreigner), or “Keniiow” (stingy).
The folks in the village will have a good laugh:
“Why is she marrying a foreigner when he can’t afford to pay anymore than one of us folk”?
Yes, unfortunately most Thais believe, as many westerners do, that Thai women only marry foreigners for financial security, unless of course the Thai woman is richer or as wealthy as the foreigner.
Ask Her Parents
Anyway, don't take your girlfriend’s word for it, because the tradition is that you are supposed to ask the mother and father for the amount they want. It is not for the woman to tell the man what she wants. So arrange to meet with the parents and politely ask them what they expect.
They will probably say one of two things:
1. “Oh no, mai pen rai. We don’t want anything”.
2. “It's up to you”.
The first answer doesn’t mean you say, “Okay, great”, and go and buy a new car instead.
By answering in this way they are exercising their “grengjai”. They are being polite.
What they actually mean is:
“Tell us what you WANT to pay, and you will be able to tell by our body language whether we think it’s okay or not”.
So basically you need to make out you really want to pay. As you can see, this all falls in nicely with the non-confrontational Thai style.
The second answer means, “What do you want to pay… but don’t insult me”!
*It should be noted that some families might genuinely want nothing at all.
Will You Get Your Money Back?
Chances are that you might, actually. Though don't expect it.
Interestingly, there was a poll Pantip, the popular Thai website, that surveyed a number of readers, asking whether their families returned the money.
48 out of 75 families said they returned the Money. Ten families returned only some of the money. And 17 families didn’t return any money.
All This Talk of Money Seems So Shallow!
Yes, and for the most part it is.
Sin Sod is largely about face.
“Look at my daughter, she went to university and married a good man with a good job”.
Or even, “Look at my daughter, she didn’t go to university, but she is so beautiful and hardworking that she married a lovely rich foreign guy”.
As a foreigner, you may feel like you are buying your girlfriend and have become a victim of the old “Thailand ATM” syndrome. And depending on the circumstances, that could be the case.
But if you're in a secure, genuine relationship, you need to forget what the misinformed barstool gossips say and consider your girlfriend and the culture. And yes, that's right, she too needs to consider your wallet.
Like it or not, Sin Sod is a big part of Thai culture, and, as soon as a Thai woman announces marriage, the big question on everyone's lips is, “How much Sin Sod“?
Why?
Because Sin Sod is a reflection of her and her family and you and your family.
A Thai woman lives to make her family proud, to show the other villagers that they are a good family, that they are to be respected, and that they are climbing the social scale.
I Feel I'm Compromising My Western Culture
I hear you.
I come from a culture where the woman’s father is supposed to pay all the wedding costs, though it’s more a 50-50 thing in the modern day.
But think about it like this: Your girlfriend has probably already sacrificed many of her cultural traditions to accommodate you in her life. Living with you and sleeping with you before marriage are two of those sacrifices.
Without you knowing it, she will have been the talk of her village for living with you without being married – this reflects badly on her family.
Don’t forget that you chose her as your girlfriend, and with all due respect, before getting involved with a woman from another culture, you really should understand the culture first.
On an emotional level, you need to consider that just like every Western girl dreams of a white wedding to make her daddy proud, the majority of Thai women grow up dreaming of marrying in their home town and making their parents proud with a respectable Sin Sod, and in turn elevating the family face.
The way I see it is this: An average wedding in the UK costs £20,000. So if you pay £4,000 – £6,000 to marry your Thai girlfriend in a village ceremony that costs no more than £2,000, you still save a whopping £12,000!
That said, in the UK, you get gifts and money from your girlfriend’s family, so that does offset some of the cost.
You also get money in Thailand. Guests put money in a box on their way in. We clocked up about 15,000 Baht if I remember correctly. That was a pleasant surprise.
Truth be told, you aren’t likely to get much in return at any point unless you marry into a wealthy family, but then setting up home here is cheaper, as is taking care of a woman post-marriage.
In Summary
Sin Sod isn't a recent cultural scam made up to dupe foreigners out of their savings; it has been around for donkey's years and is an expected part of every Thai wedding, although not everyone adhere's to the tradition.
Is it outdated? Probably.
Are some Thai brides using the tradition to extort older foreign men and secure a windfall for their family? A few. Where there is money to be made there is always someone seeking to exploit a situation.
In a nutshell, it is important for a foreign national marrying a Thai to understand this tradition, to know its symbolic meaning and what a fair Sin Sod is in a given circumstance.
That doesn't mean you have to agree with it, but whether you like it or not, marriage is about compromise – because it involves two people – so do your best to find some middle ground that makes both you and your partner feel comfortable.
Or, just call the whole thing off!
Feel free to pitch in with your experience. It would be really useful to know what married guys paid, or didn’t pay, and how the process was handled.
I would like to say a big thanks to Marisa and Noynar for contributing their cultural knowledge to help me write this post.
More Tips for Married Life
Improve Your Thai Skills:
Learning Thai makes life here easier and more fun. I use Thaipod101. It is free to get started & easy to use.
Send Money to Thailand:
Use Wise. It is fast, cheap, and gives you the market exchange rate. Me and the majority of my readers are using it.
Get Help with Pension or Investment Planning
Connect with my trusted, personal Independent Financial Advisor using this form
Last Updated on
Jason says
My gf tells me that many have paid 1 to 2 million in sin-sod and paid it with gold and money during the engagement.
She just turned 35, graduated with a degree in agriculture and works as a secretary in Bangkok. She is unmarried and has no children. I am much older. Her family comes from a country farm and older brothers and sisters provide support.
I was unaware that the presentation of sin-sod was to be done at engagement?
Is is necessary for gold to be presented at the engagement? Or money? or both?
Would 300,000 baht be a fair offer that would not result in the family losing face?
This article and column have been very helpful in addressing a very complex and emotional topic.
Apr 15, 2016 at 7:52 am
TheThailandLife says
Apr 15, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Ken says
So just what exactly is the rush? After all, if you are planning to move to Thailand permanently then you can just live together for 6-months or so before you tie the knot. You really need to live with someone to find out all the things that bug you about each other. And if you are an American and are planning to bring her back here then I believe it is actually easier to get her in on a fiancé visa than it is to get her in as your existing wife. Also with the finance visa you have either 3 or 6 months (cant remember which) before you have to get married once in the country. This gives you plenty of time to get to know each other and possibly change your mind if things do not pan out. Also it gives you time to see how well she is adjusting to life in your country. You see, unlike the Philippines where pretty much every girl wants to relocate to a western country, most Thai women would much prefer to remain in Thailand with their western husbands or boyfriends. And many just don’t adjust well to life in other countries.
Anyway, wouldn’t you rather know all this before getting married? So again I ask: what’s the rush? After all I’ve never known a Thai women to withhold sex until after marriage like some Christian women do. And if she did, or was just generally in a rush to get married, I would be very suspicious of her underlying motives. On the other hand of course, at 35 I’m guessing that her biological clock is really ticking and this may be her last chance to get married.
It’s your life of course, and your decision to make, but I have to say, I just don’t get it. I will tell you something that I tell everyone, everywhere, who is contemplating marriage. Basically, if you are with the right person you are going to stay together for a very long time, married or not. And if it’s the wrong person it will soon fall apart, married or not. The only difference is that breakups are much more destructive, both financially and emotionally, when one is married. Every relationship has a finite life span, and that life span is pretty much the same whether you are married or not.
Apr 16, 2016 at 2:05 pm
Jason says
I knew there was the element of Sin Sod, but guess I wasn't prepared to deliver it all at engagement. We both regret that we didn't communicate about it over the many months we have known each other.
We are planning to initiate the K-1 and I am fortunate that my intended fiance' is willing and motivated to relocate to the US.
I had a totally positive and delightful visit with the family and the extended family in the farming village and they remind me of my family of origin roots in the Midwest.
My confusion came from her comments about 1-2 million baht as a Sin-sod. I am starting to put the pieces together tho. She lived with a wealthy business man for a couple of years and they were engaged, but never followed through with marriage. He left and returned to the US. Perhaps he provided a robust engagement Sin-Sod and she feels her parents would expect me to do the same or more, in as much as I am a professional.
I am encouraged by the meeting with family and again I thank you for your good guidance.
All of this has been a good mind check and has both of us slowing down and planning in a more effective and less emotionally driven way.
I fully agree that a chance for her to visit the US for a couple of weeks is in order, followed by a long stay after the K1 approval comes through (90 days). Very prudent for both of us.
It is so much easier to wade into the pool, than jump into the deep end and find oneself drowning.
Apr 16, 2016 at 3:49 pm
Kevin says
Anyways, I met a Thai girl for 3 months last year and we kept in touch via Skype. She said she was from Samoeng and that her family was poor. Ok, I get it. I was trying to teach her English in my spare time, but she has a real mental block (although she can write in English 'mini-letters'). Anyway, when I was back in the States we talked about me coming back to Thailand and living together. Definitely, a few red flags came up during that time. They were: 1) Her still being on a dating website every week; 2) Asking for a million baht to start a store; 3) Saying she needed money for this and that, and obviously, I could sense there was a lack of truth in what she was telling me.
In short, I told her I wasn't 'a walking ATM machine' and her words then were: "I will stop this evil.'
To be honest, this situation is much more multidimensional then I can write here. To be fair to her, she has refused my money on more than several occasions, too, and has de-emphasized it.
To make a longer story -- even more short, she wound up pregnant and we just had a baby together. Obviously, now the situation is a lot more complicated. I want to take care of the baby, but if she doesn't start speaking English (as I only speak functional Thai, at best) this marriage-to-be won't work --as I've repeatedly told her. We used to talk for 30 minutes a day but when we have lived together for the past week or so she rarely speaks to me now that she's busy with the baby.
In regards to the baby, I've named him Dante and what frustrates me is that she and her mother rarely use his real name, if at all. As others on this blog have noted, you don't marry and start a family, but you marry her family as well, as the mother-in-law is sleeping in the same bedroom as we take care of our newborn.
I'm afraid now my son will just speak Thai and Karen and his mother and their tribe will be much more dominant in his life than I will ever be unless I take him back to the U.S.
I haven't been hit up for Sin Sod and I guess if you read this you might conclude that I lack 'logic' or a 'reality check'. But to the contrary, I have always been a level headed guy, and simply thought that things would work out between the both of us. Perhaps, the genuine truth is an amalgamation of the good and the bad, and they can't be separated so easily.
And to make things even more complicated, I do love her and in her way, she does love me as we have spent a lot of quality time together. I trust that she hasn't cheated on me. But she probably has looked at me as a way to step up in the world although she seemed genuinely happy if I lived for a long time in her village, which I am not ready to do at all.
Constructive comments are welcomed -- 'the snarky need not apply'.
Apr 12, 2016 at 10:20 pm
Ken says
As for your kid learning English I would not worry too much about that. That is, assuming you and your girlfriend stay together and he lives with both of you. Children who have multi-lingual parents pretty much always pick up both languages. Also when Americans have children in Thailand or other foreign countries they almost always enroll them in international schools where they will be around other kids who also speak English. I’m sure they probably have such schools in Chiang Mai, which is where you and your girlfriend should be living anyway. It’s still close to the in-laws but not so close that they will be in your face all the time. And personally - although I’m very much a give and take kind of guy – I never let a women dictate how and where we are going to live our lives. And any woman who is not independent enough to live separately from her parents would not be the kind of person I would be with in the first place.
As far as your girlfriend learning English is concerned I have a feeling that the only way this will happen is if you take her back to the States where she will be immersed in the Language. Of course it could take many, many years to get her in. And even if she does learn English you might just find that the two of you still have some serious communication problems that have nothing to do with language.
Apr 13, 2016 at 1:56 am
Ken says
Apr 13, 2016 at 3:42 am
TheThailandLife says
Apr 15, 2016 at 5:53 pm
John R says
Mar 29, 2016 at 12:32 am
namplaa says
I need some advice.
I’ve been with a gf for past year and a half and we want to get married. She’s 31, never married /had bf before/, no kids, holds bachelor’s degree. She comes from a small Karen hill tribe, farming village in northern Thailand and is Catholic /as the whole village is/. I’m 40, teacher. I met her family once, they seem down to earth, hardworking people. Now, every time I ask her for sin sod she changes the subject or says I should discuss it with her family, which I believe is a good sign. The problem is I have no idea how much should I pay. I know that when her 5 years younger sister /no education/ got married to a Thai man he had paid 100k. Any ideas on how much I would be expected to give? Don’t know if that’s relevant but previously my gf was working for The Royal Project but she didn’t really like it so she opened a small mushroom farm in her village. I was happy to pay for it 100k + another 100k within next few months to buy some equipment and expand the business. The farm is on her family’s land.
Thanks, namplaa
Mar 27, 2016 at 3:32 pm
TheThailandLife says
Mar 28, 2016 at 11:38 am
namplaa says
I'm going to her village after Songkran will see how it goes. I'll keep you posted.
Cheers, namplaa
Mar 30, 2016 at 2:39 pm
PSimon says
I met my Thai wife in a western country when she was studying here. We also live in the same western country. I paid all the Spenser for our Western wedding several years ago. We both work but I earn considerably more than her because she works part time only so I pay all the bills and living expenses for both of us including an annual trip to Thailand and other overseas trips occasionally. She gets to keep all the money she makes from her part time work. We have no children and I am told I am the only boyfriend she had before we married. She is in her early 30s and holds a bachelors degree, her family are middle class Thais who work in Bangkok and with homes in Bangkok and Chiangmai. They own successful businesses and the father is a well respected and high ranking professional.
Recently my wife asked if we could have a Thai style wedding. This is something that we had discussed since the start of our relationship and I was aware of the sin sot tradition which does not sit well with me. My wife stated that the wedding would cost 10,000 $ and that in consideration of my feelings re. Sin sot if I would pay the $10,000 for the wedding she would use her savings to buy gold for the sin sot and that her mum would also contribute some cash for show at the wedding in lieu of sin sot.
So far so good. I agreed, thinking it would be nice for my wife and her family to be able to enjoy seeing us renew our vows in a traditional Thai wedding (even though we are already legally married and have been for several years.)
Arrangements are underway and over 100 guests have already been invited to the wedding which is to be held in Thailand towards the end of the year.
Yesterday my wife asks if I would also withdraw 30,000$ in cash on top of the 10,000$ already budgeted for the wedding and take this to Thailand to show at the wedding as sin sot with the understanding this cash will be returned to me after the wedding. I said no. There are so many reasons that I can't even begin to list here including security of the money (risk of loss or theft), limits on how much cash can be carried internationally etc. Above all else if this money were to be lost for any reason it would be a major blow to me financially. It has taken me many years to accumulate a nest egg and we need that to provide financial security for myself and my wife. Taking it all out in cash half way around the world just to flash it around to "have face" in the hope it will come safely back again is just lunacy in my view and I told my wife so.
So how my wife and I who have always been so happily married for years are hardly talking to each other and I'm left wishing I'd never agreed to a Thai style wedding in the first place. I
This is not the deal I agreed to. It was to be $10,000 and sure I understand the budget can creep up a bit. But another $30,000 cash on the promise "don't worry darling mum and dad will give you back after the wedding." It would take me years to save that money again with the cost of living in my country.
I'm already proving every single day that I can look after my wife well - she has everything she needs and doesn't have to pay for anything at all, no bills, nothing. Am I being unreasonable here?
I've offered to produce a bank statement at the wedding to show how much money we have together if it's really about proving I have the means to care for my wife financially. We could show that at the wedding instead img of taking tens of thousands of dollars in cash half way around the world. That suggestion went down like a lead balloon - a flat out no.
Similarly I got a flat out no to the suggestion that the family use the $10,000 as a sin sot and pay for the wedding costs since in my culture the parents of the bride traditionally pay for the wedding. We would be meeting half way and respecting each other's cultures if this suggestion were accepted. Once again flat out no.
What should I do? I can feel the hostility palpably whenever I am near my wife and until now we have always been happy. But there is no way I am willing to carry that money around the world in cash, nor am I willing to transfer it to a Thai bank account where anything could happen to it. I worked too hard for that money and it is our security, which is supposedly exactly what the sin sot was supposed to be about in the first place!
Any advice anyone because presently I feel like running away from my wife and becoming a monk. I'm not joking.
Mar 25, 2016 at 10:49 am
Ken says
For example you do not seem to trust her when she says that her parents will definitely return the money to you. But the bottom line is, she should know her parents well enough to make that call, and you should know her well enough to trust her judgement on the matter.
And as for her part she seems to be unwilling to try and see things from your point of view or to compromise at all on things that are really important to her (or to her parents in this case). But this is nothing new. Unfortunately many Thai women have a mentality and a temperament which is very similar to that of a small child. In other words they are sweet as can be as long as everything is going their way but the moment they do not, you have a big problem on your hands. And rather than talking it out rationally they will often just pout and get pissy or sometimes just cut the communication lines completely. And girls like yours definitely do not want to disappoint their parents and they certainly are not capable of standing up to them.
Also you have to remember that marriage in Thailand today is not all that different than is was in the West back in Jane Austin’s day. Back then financial viability was much more important than love and women from poor families had to marry a man who could support her family. And even the wealthy upper class types (like yours) would only let their sons and daughters marry someone from another prestigious family in order to give their own family even more social status. Heck, even royalty often married for political reasons rather than personal ones. Of course this does not mean that these couple sometimes did not also love each other. And Thai wives certainly also love their Farang husbands in many cases.
But unfortunately I’m afraid even love is not enough to sustain a long lasting relationship. For any relationship to work a couple has to not only be compatible emotionally and physically (sexually) but intellectually and psychologically as well. And its extremely rare to find a Western/Thai couple that is compatible in these last two categories.
You’ll notice by the way that I did not mention cultural compatibility and this is because cultural compatibility is merely a sub component of psychological compatibility. In other words it’s our psychological makeup which determines how strictly we adhere to tradition and social conventions (how seriously we take these thing). It is also true that as societies mature and evolve over time these cultural traditions become less and less important in general to that society. In fact, given enough time, even women in the Middle East will be equal to men and religious fundamentalism will be a thing of the past.
In the meantime however, dating someone from a culture that is at a different point on this evolutionary scale than your own is bound to be fraught with pit falls. Especially when you consider the fact that the huge majority of people are, to a greater or lesser degree, a product of their environments.
Anyway if I were you I would just cough up the money and stop worrying so much about it (I’m sure you can find a safe way to get it there). That is unless you think your wife is some kind of con-women who only married you to cheat you out of your life savings (kind of an absurd notion). And if something should happen to the money just tell your wife that she now needs to contribute most of her salary to making up that loss. Even working part time it would probably take her less than 5 years to save up the $30,000 since you are paying all the living expenses.
Or you could always just divorce her and marry some poor Issan girl and then you would not have to worry about such a large Sin Sod. But is that really what you want? The bottom line is, if you want to be married to an educated high-class Thai women then you have to be willing to fork over the dough.
Apr 09, 2016 at 1:24 pm
TheThailandLife says
Apr 09, 2016 at 2:18 pm
Ken says
Anyway, as far as Thai/Farang relationships go I have never tried to discourage them. In fact, I remember I once wrote a rebuttal on another site to all the naysayers who were saying its stupid to marry a Thai woman. Basically I said that even here in the USA the average marriage last less than two years and that we could probably all just draw names out of hat to find our wives and beat those odds. So with those abysmal marriage statistics how can you say someone is asking for trouble by marrying a Thai woman? How could we do any worse than we already are after all? Also, I have a friend here who has been married to a Thai women for over 20 years. Thats longer than any other couple I know.
Apr 09, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Richardw86 says
Mar 12, 2016 at 4:35 pm
TheThailandLife says
Mar 12, 2016 at 7:32 pm
Richie S says
I met my Thai ex-wife in my Western home country while she was studying and working. Despite coming from a wealthy family and having parents living the high life, there was constant pressure from her to send money to them. Constant requests to buy things and send them to Thailand for her mother to give away to show off to their friends (lots of face to be gained with gifts of Western face creams, apparently). I'm anti-face even by Western standards, and was constantly confronted by it.
I wasn't getting scammed, her brothers were sending more money home than she was. She also earned more than she ever gave, but you don't have the spending/investing power of a couple when one person is paying for another person's luxuries.
I wasn't comfortable with it all and it caused huge fractures. As time went by her family felt more and more like a boat anchor. And this is from a family where I was directly told that there was to be no Sin Sod at the wedding (except the one they faked, for face). We made about 300,000 Thai baht on the wedding day, profit after expenses. Generous, fun, happy, welcoming family, but nevertheless a THAI family, with values and ideas of family very different to mine.
You don't start a family with a Thai girl, you join the family of a Thai girl. Make sure that's really for you before you commit to it, because it doesn't all end with Sin Sod, they're for life.
Mar 17, 2016 at 7:45 am
TheThailandLife says
Mar 17, 2016 at 2:54 pm
Michael M says
Feb 17, 2016 at 5:50 am
TheThailandLife says
Feb 17, 2016 at 12:32 pm
Michael M says
Feb 17, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Andy says
I will talk with her parents about the amount they are expecting. But would like to hear what kind of amount you would expect. So here is a little background about my gf..
She is 24 years old. Never married before, and no kids. Have a bachelor in "Environmental Science" Right now she works at a hotel. Earning between 15.000-20.000 baht per month.
She comes from a respected family. Her father is the leader/village head of the famous "floating Island" or "Panyee Island" in South Thailand.. Not so far from Phuket. Before him, her grandfather was the leader.
On her fathers side, the family is rich. He owns a lot of land, and runs a rubber plantation. But her mother comes from a poor background.
I would also add that they are Muslim.
I hope that was enough information.. I really appreciate you help..
Thank you very much..
Best regards Andy ..
Feb 15, 2016 at 1:05 am
TheThailandLife says
Feb 15, 2016 at 2:16 pm
peter says
my thai gf and I have been together for 3.5 years and its time to marry. She is from a small village near Nong Kai
She was married to a foreign guy for 5 years and lived with him in the UK, thy have a son who lives with the father in the UK. We have been over to see him a few times I paid every time.
She has a good job as a manager earning about 30,000 per month, i got her the job
How much should I suggest paying to her family? i know the first guy bought them a farm, her a home and gave her a bit of money when they finished but i do not know what the sin sod was
any ideas what i should be offering?
thanks
Feb 13, 2016 at 10:16 am
TheThailandLife says
Feb 13, 2016 at 8:46 pm
peter says
thanks for reply
to answer your question her family were poor until she married the first guy, they still live in a very small farming village 40 mins drive from Nong kai
she educated Khon Kaen university
i have already given her parents over 150,000 thb to buy rubber trees for the farm
i have bought cars, motorbikes and fully furnished the house
im happy to follow culture and offer something i was thinking 50-100,000 baht but her mother is greedy and will ask for a lot more
can you give me an estimate figure so i have some idea
thanks for the help
Feb 14, 2016 at 9:04 am
Uri says
My Thai woman, also university grad and she had worked as a manager for 20 years, have chosen. However, her mother is not asking for anything. Because family is not poor, we will show 400,000BHT sin sod and gold. All is coming back to us.
Feb 14, 2016 at 11:06 pm
Davide says
So anyone can explain me why just families of daughter need to get back some money of their investment? If you have son you will get back nothing and you also will asked to help him to pay family of future wife. But also if you have son you pay a lot for take care him until he marry. So I'm confused about this meaning of tradition.
Jan 24, 2016 at 12:15 pm
TheThailandLife says
Feb 11, 2016 at 3:31 pm
Davide says
And can you tell me why if lady is HISO is very common her family ask more money for marriage of their daughter?
Feb 11, 2016 at 4:01 pm
TheThailandLife says
Feb 11, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Davide says
Feb 11, 2016 at 4:32 pm
Davide says
Feb 11, 2016 at 4:44 pm
peter says
Feb 15, 2016 at 1:58 pm