In Thai culture, the expectation for children, particularly daughters, to support their parents is deeply ingrained, especially among the working classes. This duty stems from a long-held belief that children owe their parents an unpayable debt for giving them life and providing for them during their formative years.
This cultural norm creates an immense sense of obligation and guilt, as daughters strive to fulfill their perceived daughterly duties amidst societal pressures and financial realities.
Cultural Expectations
For many women, the cultural expectation to care for one's parents is an inescapable duty. From a young age, daughters are reminded that they owe their parents for the sacrifices made on their behalf. This sense of obligation is very strong among rural communities, perpetuated by societal norms and reinforced by constant reminders from family and community members.
It is very difficult for a Thai woman to say no to her parents because of the cultural belief that parents are always right, and that one should not argue back, call out their moral standards, or suggest that they are not good parents. There is an ingrained respect for authority, even more so when it comes to parents.
The burden is magnified by the gossip and judgment from neighbors, friends, and extended family. A daughter who is perceived as not doing enough for her parents is often labeled as ungrateful or irresponsible, intensifying her feelings of guilt and inadequacy. The pressure to meet these expectations can be emotionally and psychologically taxing, as daughters strive to prove their worth and devotion.
The Reality of Financial Responsibility
The financial burden on Thai daughters is compounded by the lack of a robust pension system in Thailand. Most parents do not have pension plans, and the government's provision for the elderly is minimal (600-1,000 Baht monthly, depending on age). The World Bank has noted that this government stipend for elderly citizens is staggeringly low, with the monthly amounts barely covering basic living expenses.
Many parents, particularly those in rural areas, end up raising their daughter's children due to various circumstances. This arrangement necessitates that the daughter goes out to work to cover the additional costs involved. The grandparents' ability to work is further limited by their caregiving responsibilities, adding to the financial strain.
In numerous cases, the child's father is absent, often due to teenage pregnancies or marriages that quickly dissolved. Unlike in Western countries, Thailand does not aggressively pursue child support from absent fathers, leaving the mother and her family to bear the financial burden alone.
Shifting the Burden: The Dynamics of a Foreign Partner
When a Thai woman marries a foreign partner, the expectations and pressures can shift but rarely diminish. Many uneducated parents view foreign partners as inherently wealthy or at least significantly better off than the average Thai. As a result, if the daughter cannot provide adequately, it is assumed that the foreign partner should fill the gap.
Culturally, a daughter's support for her parents should end when she marries; the Sin Sod plays a significant role in this transition. Indeed, the ideal situation would be that she is cared for by her new husband. If she has a child, the child will also be financially supported by her new husband; though the couple may choose to remunerate the grandparents for childcare duties.
However, in practice, the transition is not a smooth one and the burden is seldom lifted. Often, as the daughter's lifestyle improves due to her foreign partner's financial support, her parents' expectations also rise. They anticipate a better lifestyle and increased financial assistance, perpetuating the cycle of obligation.
Additionally, some parents employ guilt tactics to ensure continued support, causing the daughter emotional strain and tension in her relationship. This emotional manipulation can deepen the sense of duty and guilt, further entrenching the daughter in her role as the primary provider.
Supporting Habits, Self-Indulgence & Social Status
Despite a Thai woman’s consistent financial support to her struggling parents each month, the money is sometimes misused, creating additional financial strain. In some cases, the funds may be spent unwisely, supporting habits such as drinking or gambling, or wasted on frivolous purchases intended to impress neighbors and enhance family status in the community.
This pursuit of social status and appearance, driven by cultural pressures, often results in the money being spent on indulgent, non-essential items. Consequently, the initial financial support does not alleviate the financial burden but rather exacerbates it, leading to a cycle where more money is needed going forward.
This misuse of funds becomes a significant source of worry and frustration for the daughter, as she struggles to balance her financial obligations while witnessing her support inadvertently contributing to her family’s ongoing financial instability.
Money Problems: A Gateway to Sex Work
Many of the single women struggling to support their parents in Thailand are uneducated and therefore have limited work options. Typically, they can only find low-paid agricultural work, factory jobs, or shop positions.
Some women, with an entrepreneurial streak, may start a small business, usually as a food vendor or market stall seller. However, starting such a business requires an initial investment that many do not have. This kind of work is also subject to high competition, fluctuating rents, associated business costs, and seasonal trends. Many simply lack the business acumen to make it successful.
As a result, the lure of fast money in the sex industry becomes increasingly appealing. Often, a woman is introduced to bar work in a tourist area by someone from her village, an extended family member, or a recruiter. From here, the descent into the underbelly of society can be rapid.
Once the parents experience the benefits of the newfound monthly income, the daughter feels compelled to maintain it and even earn more to elevate her status as a provider. Of course, this is not just about fulfilling parental expectations; it is also about providing a better life for her children.
Mental Health Problems: A Result of Financial Obligations
The financial pressure can cause serious strain on familial relationships, turning them into transactions solely about money and provision. The constant need to provide financially can erode the natural bonds of affection and support, leading to feelings of resentment and obligation.
Depression, anxiety, and even suicide—often as a result of debt—are everyday realities in Thailand. The intense pressure to support one's parents can push many women to the brink. Involvement in prostitution can exacerbate these issues, leading to alcohol and drug addiction, unwanted pregnancies, emotional regulation issues, and further psychological trauma.
When these women enter relationships, particularly with Westerners who do not fully understand the familial dynamics, the constant requests for money and seemingly loveless interactions can cause arguments and resentment between the couple and the woman's family. The Thai woman becomes torn between her loyalty to her husband and the moral code of her new family, and her parents' demands based on cultural obligations and guilt.
In Western cultures, parents usually prioritize their children's well-being over their own financial needs, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice. In contrast, in Thailand, the expectation is reversed: parents expect financial support from their children, regardless of the child's age or circumstances. This cultural difference can tear Thai-foreign relationships apart.
The burden of supporting parents while trying to maintain personal relationships and emotional well-being can create a complex web of stress and pressure, leading to significant mental health challenges for many Thai women.
In Summary
The burden of supporting one's parents is a complex issue for Thai women, rooted in deep cultural expectations and compounded by harsh financial realities. The societal pressure to fulfill daughterly duties can lead to significant stress and emotional strain, as daughters navigate the demands placed upon them by tradition, family, and community.
For those with foreign partners, the expectations often shift but do not necessarily lessen, as the parents' views on wealth and support adjust with their daughter's perceived improved circumstances.
This ongoing cycle of obligation highlights the need for a broader understanding and potential reform in societal expectations and support systems for the elderly in Thailand. Until such changes occur, Thai women will continue to shoulder the heavy burden of a never-ending debt to their parents.